Overt narcissists don’t need help in showing their true colors. They don’t hide their true colors, because they are overt about their narcissistic behaviors in front of everyone. This is why I believe they are not less narcissistic, but less dangerous than a covert narcissist.
My most important recommendation when dealing with a narcissist is to pack your bags and get as far away from them or anyone that they’re in contact with as you can. The less you have to do with them the less pain and suffering they can cause you in the future.
However, if you still feel the need to expose a covert narcissist you have to understand how they create their wonderful false persona, and how they affect your behavior and the consequences of that on the situation.
1.The first thing I would recommend is learning as much about narcissism as you can. Good knowledge on the subject is important however it is not enough by a long shot.
2. Stop over explaining situations with the narcissist to everyone. The more you show your cards the less power you will have, and the less people will believe what you say. The narcissist has made you feel like you’re not believed, but the more you overcompensate for this the less other people will believe you.
3. Extremely important! No matter how desperate your situation is or feels do not freak out sound harassed cry, get angry or sound out of control in anyway in front of anyone regarding your situation with the narcissist. You may believe that this will make people feel sorry for you, or show them how extreme your situation is, but in fact it will do the opposite. You will just make the narcissist’s false image shine brighter because no matter how warranted this behavior is, you will be appearing to others as out of control, unstable and it will reinforce in their minds the validity of any label the narcissist has given you. So, in this situation put on an act for others no matter how difficult that might feel.
4. A very toxic covert and damaging behavior the narcissist might have been using behind your back for years without you even knowing, is in one conversation and all at one go, telling his/her audience how much he she loves you. Then overly boasting In a patronizing manner about some insignificant job you do like cleaning the house. Next, they will tell a lie, half truth, or partial truth about you to damage your character or reputation and throw you under the bus. Lastly, they will make a feeble excuse as to why it wasn’t your fault while Figuratively speaking polishing up their halo.
In this four part, Narcissistic tactic the narcissist has cleverly smeared your name while enhancing their wonderful false image at the same time. The audience will now be of the impression that this wonderful long-suffering individual (The narcissist) has had to put up with your appalling behavior. Understanding this tactic, we can take a leaf out of the narcissist’s book when trying to convey to others what we have experience with the narcissist. Especially when dealing with individuals the narcissist might have use this tactic on.
How can we use this Narcissistic tactic to expose the narcissist?
When telling others about the narcissist behavior, (First red card) start off by stating in a sincere manner how much you cared for the narcissist, and how you wished the relationship could work. Then (Second red card) put in one small good behavior the narcissist has, and state how much you appreciate that. Like they do so well at work for instance. Now after this (use your blue card) you can state 1-3 really major bad things the narcissist has done. Then (Use the third red card) give a feeble excuse for these major issues such as well you know men will be men, or you know she’s been having a really hard time at work.
If you do this it will stop you from looking vindictive (Not that you are) It will make what you’re saying about them more credible because you’re also pointing out good points about them. Not that that’s relevant at this point but that’s just how It has to be.
Try and use variations on this pattern when discussing the narcissist and it will make what you’re saying a lot more believable. So always used 2 red cards first (Two good things about the narcissist) Then your blue card with 1 to 3 problems you have with a narcissist, then the third red card a feeble excuse for that behavior to close the conversation.
5. Start working on your internal healing. The more you heal inside, the more fruitful your life will become in many areas. The happier and more successful you are the more you will show the Narcissist up for what they actually are and slowly people will start to realize what the real truth is on their own without you having to try and persuade them which never works anyway.
Sending you light and love.
Delaney Kay (Daylight out of Darkness)
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