Very often, when we drop the Narcissist in our lives more narcissists will come into our life and when we get rid of those narcissists more narcissists will turn up to take their places. Some of us will begin to believe that the world is full of narcissists and that we will never be able to find good loving people to share our lives with. I’m here to tell you that this is incorrect, as I and many others have been through this and managed to turn it around finding good loving healthy relationships.
There are definite reasons why you are attracting more and more narcissists into your life. Here are some of the reasons, as well as ways to stop this from happening.
1. Firstly, it may not be that you attract more narcissists than other people, but you may be keeping more of them in your life. Due to the experiences, you had in childhood you may be more excepting of behaviors that other people would not except.
Dismissing or making excuses for selfish behaviors you observe in other people.
Not being observant of others crossing your boundaries.
Not getting out of a relationship fast enough when it turns bad. Instead hoping it will improve over time.
Not paying attention to how these people make you feel.
Dissociating instead of leaving when this person makes you feel bad.
Ignoring the hurtful and devaluing things they do to you.
You might be making excuses for people ‘s bad behavior. They didn’t really mean it etc.
Fooling yourself into believing that others abusive behavior will not repeat itself.
If you can step back and noticed these traits in yourself you can change them. What you continually bring the light of day to cannot continue.
2. You are not connected to your authentic self. You are taking your cues from outside of yourself including from these dysfunctional individuals, when you should be Listening to your internal voice over and above everybody and everything else. You are disassociated from your internal voice or internal intuition gauge. If you get in tune with how you feel inside it will give you an indication early as to whether certain individuals are good for you or not so you can take well-timed action to get rid of them.
3. If you have come from a dysfunctional family of origin behavior of narcissistic individuals may seem normal to you. In this case it is really important that you keep a close connection to how you feel around these people. If they make you feel bad inside there is usually a reason. Take note. Also make sure you study up on the traits of healthy relationships, as this will not come normally to you coming from a toxic family background.
4. Make sure you’re not a people pleaser. Narcissist love people pleasers. They will suck you dry. As a people pleaser, you are a sitting duck for a narcissist. Remember, it’s impossible to please everybody and if you try you will end up being used and pleasing no one including yourself.
5. Even though most of us will deny it we are often attracted to people that are like one of our parents. If we had a narcissistic parent, you have to realize that you were brainwashed into believing certain traits in a partner or friend are desirable. Make sure the traits you find desirable are what your authentic self would really find desirable and not what would impress your narcissistic parent. Trying to impress your narcissistic parent by the people you hang out with is a sure-fire way to bring more narcissist into your life.
Sending you light and love.
Delaney Kay (Daylight out of Darkness)
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